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2008-03-04 - 11:38 a.m.

There is a block that I cannot unblock.
It perplexes me beyond my own capacity for recognition.
It is both the shield and the concealment of the shield.
It hides on days when it is being good.
It is plainly and grotesquely there on days when it is mischievous. And yet, it is always transparent.
I have been unable to go around it, to climb over it, to dig under it, or to go through it.
When it is being bad, it teases me, and I attempt to ignore it.
So it mocks me more loudly.
It counts the seconds that pass me by.
And it laughs.
It laughs at me.
It turns the singing of the birds into a mocking gesture.
It lets the sunshine glare at me from without the window.
There is not to be progress, it cries.
There are to be no decisions made.
There will only be passing.
There will only be ineptitude.
There will only be regret.
And I refuse.
And it laughs again.
I refuse to give up my right to be a human being.
I refuse to let the mocking be the hinderance.
I refuse to perish.

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