2016-01-17 - 7:34 p.m.
The light and love of my life has decided she does not love me anymore. After eleven years together. After she accepted my proposal in 2013. In fact, she has never loved me the way a lover should love and to be loved. I have never turned her on or made the sparks as when a lover enters a room should. She has always done that for me. In fact it was love at first sight. I guess I just never did that for her.
My heart is broken. So is my mind. I let her in so deep, I let her integrate with me so much, that as she leaves, she rips apart parts of me I didn't know I had, and she takes them with her.
All I have ever wanted was for her to be happy. If by leaving me she is happy, it is a sacrifice I will make. I will stick around to make sure she is okay in case she ever needs me. I must go on and be successful enough to make sure she is okay, just in case.
This hurts so much. It's too much this time. I'm losing myself. Parts of me are dying and I abhor this feeling. I'm not doing this again. It will be difficult enough living with my wretched self. I can't let this pain come back again. I'm done.