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2002-06-14 - 5:31 p.m.

BEAU GOES BONKERS

(AP Network news) SAN FRANCISCO - In a fit of rage over recent demands, Beau's brain has declared a strike. In a schizophrenic display of arduous arbitration, Beau's brain finally stormed out of the negotiations with itself on Friday night, uttering mumblings about "discrimination of the cortex", and "lack of fair play for the motor neurons", as well as something about filing "sexual harassment lawsuits against the id". Recent reports indicate that the negotiations were tough, with each side yielding very little on the demands. Attempts to take issues to neutral third parties were scoffed at by "ego", citing that it is the very lack of partying that has brought the "inner child" into the foray. Other reports indicate that the debated issues have always been a contentious point of argument among all sides, but that the demands of no one were being met due to lack of "humor" at the meetings. Beau's brain refused to release a press report, but "subconscious" did leak to us that the most heated arguments were about a conglomeration of lack of sleep, failure of memory, and the recent jailing of "love" and "spirituality", as well as the properties seized from "motivation" and "drive". Among other minor details, AP has learned that Beau's "dreams" plan to file a suit against Beau's brain for abuse and implacability. No one knows exactly how long the strike will last, or even what the next step will be in the negotiation process. Due to a lack of union representation to reconcile the differences, everyone is assuming the worst for Beau's brain, and predicting a very long summer.*

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