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2002-03-29 - 6:16 p.m.

For some reason, the world is a happier place for me when I am sick (I've caught a cold or a flu or something). I have an excuse to be edgy, I don't have to smile and there's a good reason for life to stink. But I still don't have the nerve to tell anyone off, and my disposition, although not exactly sunny, is not laden with brimstones either. It's nice to just "be". Thank God I'm not living in Palestine.

The world is on the brink of war, certain influential people have other influential people by the royal family jewels, and the simple and blindly following people, all 6 billion of us (minus about 738 influential people) are freaking clueless. My tax dollars are going to help my government in killing poor people, killing not-so-poor people, killing foreigners, killing non-foreigners, killing me, killing the whole bloody planet, killing, killing, killing...with the court jester at the helm, with a blindfold on, hands twiddling thumbs, feet looking for the floor, and his family jewels in the grip of a fatman (not Dick Cheney) and a little boy (you make the inference here please, I'm not going to spell everything out for you. See: your local headline). If the American people are too dumb to see the relations between the poop flying all over the place since the fatman was elected, they deserve to suddenly find themselves standing over a sinkhole with their tightrope gone. I just don't want to be here when it happens. I will take my education, and be gone, thank you very much. And please, people, don't bring any more children into this world. It's downhill from here, why do that to another living being?

I am never this gloomy in person. In fact, I can be rather delightful to talk to. With all of the things I have seen in this world (whether real or imagined), I don't think things can get much worse. So I will enjoy life while I am living in this part of the world. At the expense of all the poor people suffering, slave laborers dying, kids being exploited (physically, mentaly, socially), the hungry growing hungrier, non-homogenous homo-sapiens going extinct, entire races of people festering in cesspools of they and their family's blood in shallow graves simply because they worshipped God in a different manner or they asked for an extra cup of rice that month from their government...yes at these expenses. I am happy with my fourteen dollars an hour job wasting my time with "research" and breakthroughs that never seem to evolve. While my fellow human beings are busy extending life spans by creating new poisons, I am grieving over the fact that I forgot why I am alive. I have neglected to be the social being I was created to be.

Coming soon: "The evils of capitalism", or i.e. "Why humanity is going to regret its existence"

Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory --Betty Smith

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