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2003-10-27 - 8:56 p.m.

The world exists because our minds exist. If the tree fell in the forest and no one was there to hear it, it would not make any sound. It takes profound contemplation to understand what this form of rationalization seeks to convey. I have recently brushed upon its meaning (never having had a philosophy class in my life) and it has done nothing for me but to create a pseudo-Nietzschean niche (terrible pun intended) in my mind, maiming my god and my divine reason to live. Yet it has inspired me to live for other reasons. For one, to see the next and final episode of The Matrix (Revolutions) next month (which incidentally has the exact same underlying philosophy at its core as that which I have proposed here, only having the opposite argument). Secondly, to argue (against myself) for the living universe theory; amalgameting the idea of the necessity of the existence of the human mind for the definition of matter and existence (hence the creation and actuation of the sound of the tree when it falls), with the role of the conscience of the universe fulfilling that role, negating the argument that the human consciousness is the sole entity necessary for the actuation of universal events and their acknowledgement. (OMG...what did that last sentence say?) ie, if the tree falls and no one is there to hear it, it WILL make a sound because the consciousness of the universe (of which each of our minds is a miniscule part) will hear it. My counter argument to my own point, however, is that it is possible that the universe is not yet conscious and aware of itself (hence the reason for our continuing existence, until it does become aware of itself [ie, god discovers her creator] wherein we will cease to exist) and the tree will not create any sound. Got all that? Okay...and so life goes on. On to more practical matters...

(sing to the tune of "I left my heart in San Francisco")

The catalytic converter

Seems somehow to be plugged

The exhaust systems that was happy

Is really really bugged

I was driving around with no power and afraid to drive too far

The mechanic diagnosed it and I needed to be hugged

I lost my car

In Sac-ra-mento

In a parking lot

It waits for me

To be taken to a garage

To get an exhaust system massage

The power loss might stop the car

It won't go far

My car waits there

In Sac-ra-mento

Beneath an old

And dying tree

When I come there to fix you

In Sac-ra-mento

You'll once again

Run for me!!!

And so now I am car-less in San Francisco, but thank goodness for the public transportation (I live on an island after all, good luck trying to go home any other way). The 108 and the 38 bus lines are my best friends. And Amtrack is my buddy for getting me from Sacramento to San Francisco nice and cheap and comfortably. But as Sandra Bullock said it best in the movie "Speed", "I love my car. I MISS my car!" It's not all bad. Have you ever dealt with the parking nightmares of San Francisco? All I sacrifice is about an hour and a half of sleep in the morning and a few hours of waiting in line at several bus stops. Gee that's not too bad, is it? Not for little old me and my lack of internet at home and medical school applications online and car parts to buy online and tons of other reasons to use the internet where the only place I have them is at work, and etcetera and etcetera and etcetera. Oh no, I'm not complaining or anything!

Oh quit your yapping and bite the bullet and do what you have to do. Tons of other people do this everyday, you're no more important than any of them.

Anyway, my alter ego decided to jump in there and keep me in check. Thank goodness, I was getting out of hand.

I'm not upset. Not at the car thing. That will work itself out. I am more disappointed in myself. I am a liar and a hypocrite for reasons I cannot explain, not even here in my personal sanctuary. And the same reason for my not writing it here applies to why my reason is so hypocritical. I am a liar to myself and a hypocrite to myself. Shameful. As much as I like to practice the "above all else to thine own self be true" philosophy, I blatantly lied to myself and fell for my own lie. Unbelievable. Shameful. Ayn Rand would turn over in her grave is she weren't so damned objectivist about others, because I broke her number one rule.

Anyway, less the self-loathing and more to actual work. Next week, same Bah time, same Bah channel.

Oh yeah, one of my favorite Iranian musicians died today of Cancer at seventy one...Vigen (Viguen) Derderian. Long live his music and his gift to generations of Iranian/Armenian music lovers.

-----------------------------------

"Respect yourself and others will respect you"

--Confucius

"A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do, nothing else."

"The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness."

"The most important thing in life is to see to it that you are never beaten."

--Andre Malraux

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