2002-07-25 - 6:00 p.m.
I have been studying for the MCAT (Medical College Admissions Test) since the beginning of June. During this time I have noticed that my mind has gone through some changes. For one thing, it has reverted to a schedule of work, a motivational drive, and pattern of study that is identical to what I had during my four years at my undergraduate university. I did not will this purposefully. It was just a familiarized pattern. However, this is not all in good. Although the MCAT is preety much the most important thing in my life right now, the old patterns of study and recall were and are not the best methods of study and learning. In fact, I have tried to recreate my post-undergrad habits of reading and working and learning, and have been unsuccessful. Much to my chagrin, since the test is less than three weeks away, and I am short on study time. I am rather upset, because it feels like I have no control over my own personality and capabilities. Dauntingly, I do not know what to do. It comes down to the realization that this pattern is a barrier or learning block for whatever I might be doing in my life. That is unless I can step out of myself, look at myself more objectively, and make the decision to make that mental leap. Cross that barrier. It is funny how I know that it is there, but I still canot see it. Funny and extremely frustrating. It is almost like I know that it is the key to unlocking unimaginable potentials within myself, but being completely in the dark as how to go about it. Again, in similitude form, the situation is as though I kept bumping a glass wall and not knowing it and starting over again. I am open to suggestions for help. A loud cry for help in an empty forest of human development.
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